07/07/2010

I woke up today and my husband threatened my 3 year old that if he got out of bed he wouldn’t get him anything else for the day.  I wanted to just get through my morning. 

After my shower I went to comb my hair and my hair brush had a large amount of toothpaste intertwined.

 

I was upset.  Because my 3 year old said his 8 year old brother did it…and he probably did.  My 8 year old was very empty and not very loving lastnight and he probably did put toothpaste in my hairbrush.  At that moment, I got scared.  Thoughts rush in my mind…what kind of childe am I raising that would be so angry he would ruin other’s stuff.  What happens later in life.  People will find out what kind of bad mom I really am.  And then it hits me.  FOOD.  Horray I haven’t had breakfast yet.  I still have a valid excuse to really eat…right everyone needs breakfast.  All the fat weight books say you should eat breakfast.  Now I can eat.  But then wait…I realize I want the food not to fix the kick in the gut feelings I have had felt the first 45 minutes of my day…but to numb that feeling so I can prepare myself for the next 20 kick in the gut feelings.  Now the question becomes…how do I face the music-the feelings in a sober way?  Without the food?