Day by day...hour by hour....minute by minute; heck, sometimes it's second by second.
A wise person talked me through the concept of evil spirits. The best I can understand, evil spirits can be any thought, action, idea, motivation, spark of interest, or moment which leads you to a place farther away from your happiness. So when I say the evil spirits work quickly, swiftly and brilliantly...I ain't kidd'n!
I can tell myself, 'oh it's only one piece' 'you deserve it' 'you have been so good' 'who cares, no one will know' 'what's it matter anyway'...well for now, the only way i get through it is day by day. I do deserve it...I deserve to nourish my body and I have been so good to my body and it's only one piece that will not provide near what I think it would!
Still, this clarity and abstinence of EIGHT days is a bit sad and lonely. My body is still fat and obese so I really haven't gotten to enjoy the weight loss aspect and since I am choosing to face feelings without numbing it with food first, well, it sucks.
What i look forward to: when i feel joy for the first time without being numb and my body catching up to the healthy eating.
Dear higher power: I feel very alone. Please send an angel to keep me company.
No comments:
Post a Comment