WHAT A WEEKEND

Wow- I cannot remember the last time I felt so much in one weekend.  The food numbed so much of my feelings, I really never knew how much I was missing.  I had a sober weekend and I am happier that I did. 

Saturday-could have been the most difficult.  I headed out of town to the lake for a day trip.  That meant lunch and supper out of a cooler.  I was blessed in the fact that I was responsible for the food, not the people who went with, but me.  I did find myself not really knowing what to bring to eat.  I mean, my instincts were: licorice (for the car ride), chips of many kind, cookies-easy to grab.  Instead, I looked at those foods and said “nope, none of these will nourish my body.  And if my body isn’t nourished then I will not enjoy the day as much.  I would have a tougher time swimming with my boy and getting in and out of the boat and up and down the bank”. 

So here is what I brought:

Hot dog (light, not fat free-taste is important!), light hot dog buns, strawberries, raspberries, cantaloupe, veggie tray, pickles.  And for supper, 98% ground hamburger and buns.  Guess what, we had enough food.  It was the right amount and the right kind.  What a great service for those around me!

 

Homeward bound:

It hits me when we are driving home.  I am missing something.  Like the crap food feeling and I am really missing it.  We could stop at a convenience store in a small town on the way back.  No, no…what is my body telling me?  Why am I so sad?

So instead of battling this by myself and getting more upset.  I looked at my brother and told him.  I told him how I was sad and struggling and anxious.  And then, the feeling left.  I was seen by my brother in a loving manner.  And whatever my body was missing, it was filled with love.

 

Didn’t think I could do it:

Sunday night.  I have officially been ‘good’ all weekend.  Now we can party.  Again, I made phone calls and reached out to people (Strangers) who loved me and saw me for my inadequacies.  I said no to going to an all-u-can-eat buffet.  My family loved me enough to go without me and my mom came to my house to have grilled chicken, baked potato, and steamed veggies…and a fruit parfait for dessert. 

I didn’t think I could ever pass up the scenario like lastnight.  I had so many reasons to be able to go … so many approvals to go and eat my brains out…

Thank you to those you have supported me in my time of need and to my higher power for giving me the courage.