FRIGHTENED

My mom is in town today.  I thought I dodged the truth telling bullet yesterday with her, but here it is…TODAY.  Please let me say, it is not my mom, this is not about my mom, nor is what I am feeling my mom’s problem.  Folks, this is my responsibility.  And yet, I feel like a scared little baby.

So I ask myself, why?  Why is it so difficult for me to tell my mom.  I mean really, I like my mom, we talk about a lot of stuff…not to mention, in the last 4 days, I have told complete strangers and co-workers and peers many truths about myself, so why is it difficult to tell my own mom??

I guess many self help books and good therapists would be able to tell me why, but I will tell you what my heart feels.

My mom is the one person I can go to a restaurant with, just her and me and we can pig out and get ‘blitzed’ on food.  We then can talk about why we don’t do better and how know one understands.  In essence, she is my binge partner and I don’t want to disappoint her now.  Oh, I can almost hear you from my computer ‘WHAT, that’s EXACTLY what you need to do, is tell her…you are short of OBLIGATED to tell her so she can be ‘fixed’ too’.  Well, if being fixed was that easy then all the people in my life who have looked at me and saw how sad I was would have been able to fix me by now.

Bottom line…I am losing an eating partner and really am not focusing on anything else.

I will make as many calls I can between now and lunch.  I know I am powerless over food.  I know I need help.  I will pray for help to be able to hand this over to a higher power.