owly

Well…I am not in a good mood.  I hit some sort of a angry place last night around 9:30pm.  All I wanted to do was watch TV but the batteries were dead in a bar that I now have to use to watch a program…blah  blah blah, details details details…  The point is, I got mad, angry, frustrated…probably at the fact that I have s disease.  A disease that will never go away.  No matter how much I hate it, will it or want it to leave me alone, it won’t.  I have not control over this disease.  I am powerless when food is involved.  And now I am mad.  I want to scream at everyone who looks at me.  I hate them because they are not suffering like me.  I hate them because they are not thinking about how they just lost a best friend. 

Then I step back and I know that is not true.  It’s not them I am mad at, it’s not their struggles I am mad at…I am mad at this disease. 

So yes, today, I am owly and not so happy.  In fact, I am not in a happy mood.  I am still angry.  That is me, that is me right now.