I have talked to so many people…people I have never met and some I have loved for years, some that are peers, some that are superior…so many people know now I have a disease.  Now what if I don’t succeed?  I have to have faith that by telling the truth about me and my compulsive overeating to all those people will help me be stronger when I am at my weakest.  But I don’t believe that.  I panic and think, now they will watch what I eat and when I eat.  Now I will have to hide it even more and be even more ashamed. 

It has been suggested to give this up to a higher power.  I do believe there is a higher power of some sort, but it’s like I cannot give this over to the higher power.  I feel like I am trying to start a lawn mower that doesn’t have gas.  It starts to fire up, then nothing.  I close my eyes and pray, pray to help me take this off of me and onto you, and nothing.